


Misplaced

by loquaciouslass



Category: Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humour, brief appearances by others - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 09:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13678944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciouslass/pseuds/loquaciouslass
Summary: Summoning is not an exact science, especially cross-dimensionally.





	Misplaced

 

**i**

The princess doesn’t have the heart for war, but that’s not exactly a problem. Shinryu has watched even the calmest warriors carved into desperate killing machines, and worst comes to worst, her death could probably motivate someone to battle. She’s sweetness and gold and never has a harsh word for anyone. 

The problem is, honestly, that she doesn’t have a harsh word for  _ anyone. _ He’s heard mumbles that Princess Sarah of Cornelia never stopped trying to reason with demons and beasts, but watching her talk down an arboreal manifestation of the void is...a little unsettling, honestly. 

Though not quite as unsettling as watching her sing armour to life, and waiting for the warriors to get too tired beating each other to hell, and then invite them for a sit-down and therapy. 

She doesn’t have the heart for war, but she definitely has a head for politics. 

He has to get rid of her when she starts singing to Chaos.

**ii**

There’s two extra people this time, both older folks, and he thinks they may be ideal because marriage has a habit of causing drama. Not always for the best, of course, but he has the harsh face of a tyrant, and hers is drenched in regret. Matching rings and the same style of armour. If they aren’t joint somehow, Shinryu will eat his own horns. 

The issue is, and he can’t say how he missed it, is that someone would have to be  _ blind _ not to realise that the mess of blond hair and fancy headpieces bear a very strong resemblance to  _ another _ warrior on the battleground.

So, yes, Airu and Timaeus Palamecia  _ do _ fight...verbally. And not even that loudly. And more often than not, it starts over their tyrant son, and usually ends over the best way to cast a cure spell. 

Which is even wilder considering neither of them, to his knowledge, know white magic. 

**iii**

Doga, Unne and Xande have conflict. They had it in their world and they have it here, always on the edge, ready to fight at a moments notice. After a few failures, it’s almost a relief.

Except. 

_ Except. _

Unne won’t stop arguing with Shantotto and they’re starting to encourage each other, Doga spends most of his time snapping at the younger warriors and telling them about stuff back in  _ his _ day, and Xande...Xande…

_ Where _ Xande found all the paper is beyond him, but he theorizes. Loudly. And that inevitably drags the other two to his place, and then they argue, and then they decide that they need  _ more _ evidence, and before Shinryu knows it, there’s ten mages in a circle debating the implications of cross-dimensional summoning. 

He’s still going to blame Unne for Shantotto’s...worse tendencies. 

Or at least, the worse tendencies  _ coming to life. _

**iv**

_ Hisss! _

“Will someone put a muzzle on that thing?!”

_ HISSS! _

“Ow!”

“You’re going to scare it if you keep shouting at the poor thing.”

“ _ Why would I care about scaring it-” _

For the sake of Garland’s arms, the Mist Dragon goes.

**v**

“TURTLE!”

“Mmm, yes, very observant. Perhaps you’d next like to tell us what the large yellow birds are called?”

Shinryu needed better screening.

**vi**

The moogle was one of the better choices.

The fourteen other moogles that came with her, less so. 

The squealing heap that they turned at least six warriors into  _ very _ less so.

**vii**

He’s sure that someone actually called ‘The Calamity’ would be an excellent choice for a war, except that the world hates him and The Calamity is actually a corpse with all her organs splayed out. And sure, he could probably just force her into action, somehow but…

_ “Mother?” _

_ “Oh for fuck’s sake.”  _

He has a feeling he’ll lose more than one warrior that way. And even if not, Chaos won’t move from his throne room anymore. Because the one time her corpse moves, it’s to land right in front of Chaos, and he’s reasonably sure that the damn demon starts  _ crying _ . 

Not even getting to how much she eats, either. The world isn’t designed for someone who will literally eat them out of house and home. 

**viii**

President Adel of Esthar is known as a violent tyrant with a terrible penchant for cruelty, and possessed by enough magical power to ruin a city. Shinryu thinks he’s got someone perfect, finally. 

And maybe he would have if Adel were just a little bit less...intense.

For a start, she’s a good two foot taller than even Chaos, and has the muscles to match. Muscles that she will gladly show off for awed children, by lifting one of the many giant armoured men over her head, and suplexing them. 

Which then makes it even more awkward when  _ certain people _ start  _ gawking _ and it turns out, hey, President Adel has some goddamn charisma and an open mind.

**ix**

“Garland’s on his way-”

“Which one?”

“What do you mean, which one?”

“There’s the huge armoured dude or the...slightly less huge armoured dude.”

“...I thought his name was Golbez?”

“No, that’s a different guy, it’s another enormous, deep-voiced man with black armour.”

“...”

“He has a beard.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t think he’s coming.”

“Why?”

“Zidane found him in the middle of a fight with Kuja and now they’re having some kind of wild family talk.”

Shinryu files away the plans to bring a Cid in.

**x**

He plucks warriors out of their times with no real thought for what may be happening, seeing as the memory wipe can deal with any unnecessary emotional issues until he has the energy he needs. 

Sin, a destructive force, is more than he needs, so he goes back- further and further, until he’s at Sin’s core.

Which turns out to be a bug, so, fine, he goes back further. Hunting for motivation. 

Yu Yevon shows up with a manic grin, several hundred explosives, and a shitload of country destroying magic.

Also his daughter and her husband. 

This is an error in the making, and he removes them before Yu Yevon decides that stealing all these guys’ souls would make a great summon. 

**xi**

“Hohohoho!”

“Hohohohoho!”

“Hohohohohoho!”

Three Shantottos is too many. 

**xii**

It’s really hard to muster up the will to fight when all of the warriors won’t go near the goddamn Cactuar and its blinding needles. 

**xiii**

“...It’s so cute…”

The chocochick is worse than the moogles. 

**xiv**

Funny as it is watching two Kefkas run around annoying everyone, they have to go before Shinryu gets to see some sort of hellish masturbatory threeway between Kefka, Kefka and whatever poor soul gets dragged into it.

**xv**

“Awoo?”

“...you’re so  _ fluffy…. _ ”

Shinryu  _ really _ needed better screening. 

 


End file.
